Cops: Mass. couple beat man at KFC over slow order
From Associated Press
October 02, 2009 8:35 PM EST
NORWELL, Mass. - Authorities say a couple, upset over the slowness of their Kentucky Fried Chicken order, assaulted a man who asked them to stop yelling profanities for the sake of children in line. The couple was arrested Thursday after witnesses told police the couple beat the man as he was leaving the restaurant.
Police say 31-year-old Jared Garfagna of Marshfield punched the man in the head, and then Garfagna's girlfriend, 24-year-old Sara Mohn, kicked the man. The victim had cuts on his eyelid and wrists.
Mohn has been charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. Garfagna has been ordered to appear in court on assault and battery charges. It's unclear whether either has hired an attorney.
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Information from: The Patriot Ledger, www.patriotledger.com
Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
I hate it when the headline writer completely misstates the facts in a story—though in this case, it appears the fault also lies with whoever wrote the first line. So it could be the fault of the AP editor, or the original reporter at the Patriot Ledger.
Whatever... the point is, the couple did not beat this man because their KFC order was taking so long. They beat him because he asked them to stop yelling profanities. That's a key difference.
Also, note that they did not beat him until he was leaving the restaurant. That shows some level of consideration. They could have beat him immediately, but instead waited until he had enjoyed his meal, and they theirs. It was only after everyone had partaken of these particular delicacies that they decided, on balance, it would be a good idea to punch and kick the man.
Well, I could be making a leap there without adequate facts, possibly because of another misleading term in the article, "restaurant." I'm not sure that many people actually eat their KFC in the "restaurant" —I think most wait on line and then take their order out to the car, where they eat pieces of fried chicken while driving and, probably, texting as well. That most likely being the case, the real tragedy here is that I imagine neither the man or his assailants ever had a chance to eat their KFC—unless they were able to scarf it down while waiting for the ambulance and the police to come (respectively). Who even knows if the food survived? Was the man able to hold onto his bag and/or bucket while being punched and kicked? Were the couple able to commit assault without spilling their sodas? Was the order that was taking so long, in fact, for slow-roasted chicken? Just exactly what kind of shoes was Mohn wearing that allowed police to consider them a "dangerous weapon"? None of these crucial details are addressed.
And what of the children?
"That most likely being the case, the real tragedy here is that I imagine neither the man or his assailants ever had a chance to eat their KFC—unless they were able to scarf it down while waiting for the ambulance and the police to come (respectively)."
It's all because I snuck up behind them all, stole their chicken, drove all the way back home to Chicago while eating it and texting you about it on Interstate 90.
On a serious note, regarding your question of who actually sits down and eats inside the KFC, I actually did do that a few months ago with a friend. It was late at night and for some wacky reason I had the urge to eat chicken, not just any chicken, but KFC chicken only. We had to drive a considerable distance to even find one. Since I was starving, taking it all the way back home was not an option. We actually sat inside the restaurant, ate the chicken and watched all the weird late night folks come in dressed for beddy-bye.
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