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The Empty Barrel
A blog for people who hate blogs
...and the people who hate them

The Empty Barrel

Wild Guess: He Opened the Door?


Car ends on top of another in Mass. parking garage
This Thursday, Jan. 5, 2012 photo released by the Wellesley Police Department shows one vehicle that landed on top of a parked can in a parking garage in Wellesley, Mass. Police said a driver trying to stop at an office parking lot stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake, causing the car to jump the curb and land inside the nearby parking garage. The parked car was unoccupied. There were no injuries. (AP Photo - Wellesley Police Department)
From Associated Press
January 05, 2012 6:19 PM EST

WELLESLEY, Mass. (AP) — Police say a driver coming to a stop at a Massachusetts office parking lot stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake, causing the car to jump over a curb and land inside a nearby parking garage on top of a luxury sedan.

Lt. Marie Cleary says no one was injured in the Thursday morning crash in Wellesley, just west of Boston. The sedan in the parking garage was empty.

Police have cited the driver for failure to use care when stopping. Officers can't explain how he got out of his car while it was perched on top of the other vehicle.

Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Something Else to Make Your Head Explode

Another totally messed-up story. Did this 15-year-old manage to outsmart multiple government officials in both the U.S. and Colombia? Did she really run away from home for no reason? Was she really "very close" with her family, as her grandmother claims? Is she sufficiently bilingual to have functioned well and convincingly through months in Colombia and in all her meetings with Colombian and U.S. officials?

But none of that is the least bit odd compared to the name of the Dallas Police detective, near the end of the story.

US teen deported to Colombia to return Friday
This undated file photo provided by WFAA-TV News shows Jakadrien Lorece Turner, a Texas teen who ran away more than a year ago, her family said. Immigration officials say they're investigating the circumstances under which Turner was deported to Colombia after providing a false identity. She was located in Bogota by Dallas police, with help from Colombian and U.S. officials. (AP Photo - Courtesy of WFAA-TV)
CESAR GARCIA
From Associated Press
January 06, 2012 12:45 PM EST

EL PASO, Texas (AP) — A 15-year-old Texas girl who was deported in May to South America after claiming to be an illegal immigrant will return home Friday, a Colombian official said.

The high-level official in the ministry of foreign affairs in Colombia who spoke on condition of anonymity because ministry policy does not allow employees to be quoted by name told The Associated Press that Jakadrien Lorece Turner was turned over to the U.S. embassy Friday morning and was scheduled to leave Colombia quickly.

It was unclear where she was heading. The State Department did not comment, and immigration officials did not immediately return messages. Turner's mother, grandmother and their lawyer did not answer calls.

The girl's family has questioned why U.S. officials didn't do more to verify her identify.

U.S. immigration officials have said they were investigating, but insist they followed procedure and found nothing to indicate that the girl wasn't — as she claimed — a woman from Colombia illegally living in the U.S.

The teen, who ran away from home more than a year ago, was recently found in Bogota, Colombia, by the Dallas Police Department with help from Colombian and U.S. officials.

According to the Colombian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the girl was enrolled in the country's "Welcome Home" program after she arrived there. She was given shelter, psychological assistance and a job at a call center, a statement from the agency said. When the Colombian government discovered she was a U.S. citizen, it put her under the care of a welfare program, the statement said.

Her grandmother, Dallas hairstylist Lorene Turner, called the deportation a "big mistake somebody made" and said U.S. officials need to do better.

"She looks like a kid, she acts like a kid. How could they think she wasn't a kid?" Lorene Turner asked on Thursday.

Jakadrien's family said she left home in November 2010. Houston police said the girl was arrested on April 2, 2011, for misdemeanor theft in that city and claimed to be Tika Lanay Cortez, a Colombian woman born in 1990.

An Immigration and Customs Enforcement official told The Associated Press on Thursday that the teen claimed to be Cortez throughout the criminal proceedings in Houston and the ensuing deportation process in which an immigration judge ultimately ordered her back to Colombia.

The ICE official, speaking on condition of anonymity due to not being authorized to discuss additional details of the case, said the teenager was interviewed by a representative from the Colombian consulate and that country's government issued her a travel document to enter Colombia. The ICE official said standard procedure before any deportation is to coordinate with the other country in order to establish that person is from there.

The girl was given Colombian citizenship upon arriving there, the ICE official said.

The Colombian Ministry of Foreign Affairs said Jakadrien was issued travel documents at the request of the U.S. National Security Agency and with information submitted by U.S. officials. Colombian officials are investigating what kind of verification was conducted by its Houston consulate to issue the temporary passport.

It was not clear if the teen might be charged upon her return for falsifying her identity in a criminal process.

Dallas Police detective C'mon (pronounced Simone) Wingo, the detective in charge of the case, said the girl was located in early November. Relatives were then put into contact with the U.S. Embassy in Bogota to provide pictures and documents to prove Jakadrien's identity.

Lorene Turner said she has spent a lot of time tracking down Jakadrien, whose family nickname is Kay-Kay.

"In between customers I'd get on the computer looking for Kay-Kay, I was obsessed," she said.

Johnisa Turner said her daughter, a freshman at a Dallas high school, was experimenting with different hairstyles and clothes but "wasn't a problem kid." She was reluctant to go into any details about the deportation, saying she didn't know any specifics.

"She didn't have any reason to leave," Lorene Turner said. "She lived in a nice home (with her mother and stepfather). We were very close. I don't know why she left."

___

Garcia reported from Bogota, Colombia. Associated Press writer Linda Stewart Ball in Dallas contributed to this report.

Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

"Did we have kids? I honestly don't remember. But thank god we saved the trailer."

It's only appropriate that the Elvis Museum was located in a trailer. The truly amazing thing is that the Gagnons weren't living in one too. Fortunately, they're now moving into a log cabin. It sounds like the Elvis Museum is also moving. I hope they leave it in the trailer.

Updated 12/29/2011 07:36 PM

Elvis museum remains standing after fire

By: Cara Thomas

Copyright © 2003-2011 TWEAN News Channel of Syracuse L.L.C d.b.a. YNN. All Rights Reserved.

When a house catches fire, there is a good chance the owners will lose everything inside. But Robert and Shirley Gagnon saved a very special and expensive part of their lives when their home caught on fire: Their Memories of Elvis Museum. With flames quickly approaching and millions of dollars worth of Elvis mementos inside, our Cara Thomas tells us how the museum went unscathed.

ST. LAWRENCE COUNTY, N.Y. -- Last Friday, Robert Gagnon was in his home on Newcomb Road in De Peyster watching television, when he looked out the window and saw a swirl of dust go by. Not expecting a snow storm, Gagnon went to the door to check it out when the smoke hit him straight in the face. It was only a matter of minutes before their entire home was up in flames. 

"We stood out there and watched it burn. It's just, I don't know. It's gone," said Mr. Gagnon.

But they didn't lose everything. Right next door in a trailer home is their Elvis museum. Then and there, Gagnon had to make a decision whether to pour water on the trailer to keep it from catching fire or try and run in to save some of the Elvis memoirs.

He said, "Pour the water on it because there's too many people standing around and I didn't want anybody getting hurt."

Shirley Gagnon began gathering Elvis collectables when she was 14-years-old. And ever since, she and her husband go to auctions and continue to add items to their museum and the Gagnons say the museum isn't all about the price of the collectables, it's about the enjoyment Shirley gets from it.

"I can't express my thanks to them all so much for all they did and all the, everything they did to help save this place," said Mrs. Gagnon. 

Mr. Gagnon said, "I'm glad they saved it. It's all she's got to hang on to now, besides me."

The cause of the fire is still undetermined. But even through losing their home, the Gagnons are grateful to have saved their beloved museum. After all, Mrs. Gagnon is Elvis' biggest fan.

The Gagnons will be moving down the road into a small log cabin and the museum will move with them. They hope to have the museum open again for the public by spring.




Mayor McCheesy says: What an auspicious way to finally start posting again after 702 days.

2 face indecency charges after nude McDonald's run
From Associated Press
December 30, 2011 8:56 AM EST

GALESBURG, Ill. (AP) — Two people who pulled up at a McDonald's drive-thru in western Illinois completely naked face public indecency charges.

Police in Galesburg say a 19-year-old El Paso man and a 21-year-old Galesburg woman have been released from Knox County Jail after being ordered to appear in court to face the charges.

WGIL Radio reports that the duo was still in the McDonald's parking lot when officers arrived just before 2 a.m. Wednesday. Police say the man was crouched over in the driver's seat trying to pull on a pair of pants while his passenger was covering up in a blanket.

WGIL reports that the pair told officers the late night fast-food run might not have been a great idea but that they both still thought it was funny.

Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

So, the only people who could see this were working the McDonald's drive-thru window at 2 a.m. That's "public indecency"? (I'm more surprised the McDonald's workers had clothes on!) 

Marketing 101.02

If I understand this correctly, the way to ensure franchising success, and entice schools and churches to become customers, is to choose a name that is an obvious reference to drug use? I was thinking of starting a plastering business... originally I thought We Get Plastered might be good, but now I think it may be too cute; after all, alcohol is legal. Trouble is, We Do Cracks might infringe on these guys' intellectual property. I should probably ask my business partner, Phil McCracken; at the very least, he has to be listed prominently as president of the company.

We Do Lines looks to franchise

Published: 09:04 p.m., Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ridgefield native Tom Darrow maneuvers a line-painter.  He is a founder of We...
Ridgefield native Tom Darrow maneuvers a line-painter. He is a founder of We Do Lines, a Ridgefield-based line-painting company he and three friends founded in 2008 that has quickly grown to stripe about 60 parking lots a month up and down the East Coast. They are offering franchise opportunities to others who want to do lines. Photo: Contributed Photo / The News-Times Contributed

The owners of a Ridgefield business built on creating boundaries wants to turn it into a venture with limitless possibilities.

Ridgefield residents Tom DarrowChris CouriCraig Lenehan and Dan Rella are offering franchise opportunities for We Do Lines, a line-painting company they founded in 2008 that quickly has grown to stripe about 60 parking lots a month up and down the East Coast.

"As soon as we started developing operations and saw how the company was doing, we saw that this would be a great franchise opportunity," said Darrow, the company's chief executive officer and the owner ofPinnacle Landscaping Inc. "We decided why don't we put this out there to see who else is interested."

Couri, We Do Lines' chief operating officer, runs Young's of Ridgefield garden and feed supply shop with Rella, the company's chief financial officer. Lenehan ownsSmith Ridge Properties, a Ridgefield-based home construction firm.

Since launching the franchise effort with the help of consultant Skip Barrett, requests have been coming in from Florida and California and as far away as Venezuela to take advantage of the $29 billion industry, according to National Parking Association figures cited on We Do Lines' Web site.

A major reason for their success is the venture's catchy name, which immediately put them on the top of search engines and led to line-striping contracts with the Doral Golf Resort & Spa in Miami and LL Bean stores in Maine, Darrow said.

"We just looked at each other and thought we may not get schools and churches, but we went with it anyway," Darrow said of the business name. "Most of our first jobs were schools and churches."

The partners, who have hired three employees, are kept busy locally by maintaining about 60 lots in Ridgefield and lots in Danbury on a yearly basis, Darrow said. They also stripe all of the parking lots for Fairfield County Bank and have done work at the headquarters of Danbury-based construction firm Morganti Group and parking garages in Stamford, Bridgeport and New Haven, Darrow said.

"Now we are at the point where we're trying to figure out what to do with our day jobs," he said, adding that the company has painted lines for about 4,000 parking spaces so far. "Most of our work in Florida is doing golf-cart staging areas."

The four of them started the business by buying a Graco line-painting machine and taking lessons from the Graco sales representative, Darrow said.

"The most important thing is you have to walk a straight line," he said. "Once we figured that out, we haven't looked back."

Startup costs for a We Do Lines franchise range from $77,000 to $134,000, mainly for leasing a truck and line-painting equipment.

Setting up a franchise presents the challenge of producing an easily replicated business model, but when done correctly, it can become a powerful revenue generator for the franchisor, saidSteven Dubin, president of the New England Franchise Association in Kingston, Mass.

"You have those franchisees as your sales force," he said.

We Do Lines seems to have a viable business model that hopefully will become a successful franchise operation, said Marian Roth, executive director of the Ridgefield Chamber of Commerce.

"I wish them well," she said. "Any company moving forward in this economy is a good thing."

© 2010 Hearst Communications Inc.

Breaking Sports News from Abbott & Costello

This could be the start of a new "Who's On First?" routine...

From: "CNN Breaking News" <BreakingNews@mail.cnn.com>
Date: January 6, 2010 4:07:42 PM EST
Subject: CNN Breaking News

-- NBA commissioner suspends Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas indefinitely, citing possession of firearms at arena.


Did you hear about the NBA's Arenas?
Which one?
Arenas.
Which arenas?
The NBA's Arenas.
Which ones?
Gilbert Arenas.
Where?
Where what?
Where are the arenas?
At home.
At home?
Yes.
Why?
Suspended.
What's suspended?
Arenas.
Arenas suspended at home?
That's right.
How is that possible?
Firearms.
Firearms?
Yes.
Arenas suspended with firearms?
That's right.
Where?
At the arena.
Yes, you told me. Which one?
Gilbert Arenas.
Gilbert Arenas?
Yes.
How many Gilbert Arenas?
What do you mean?
I mean how many Gilbert Arenas?
Just one!
Which one?
Gilbert Arenas.
You just said that! Which Gilbert Arenas?
The NBA's Gilbert Arenas.
I know! How is it possible?
How is what possible?
Arenas at home! Suspended with firearms!
I just told you.
Told me what?
Arenas at home, suspended with firearms.
Yes, you told me, but how?
How what?
How is it possible?
What do you mean?
I mean it just doesn't make sense!
Why not?
It just doesn't. I know arenas.
You know Arenas?
Yes.
Well, why the hell didn't you just say so in the first place?

The Silence of the Lambs, or, Who Is Scott Noren DDS, And Why Is He Saying These Terrible Things About Me?

Actually, Scott Noren DDS has never said any terrible things about me. I don't think Scott Noren, DDS knows me from Adam, and I don't know if that includes Adam Sandler. But apparently there is some web crawling software or something that searches for blogs with the slightest indication that they might be relevant and then submits the author's comments. I'm assuming that's why, in response to the item I posted back on September 15th, titled Breaking News from WTTI, Watertown, New York — a news story about the theft and butchering of a lamb from someone's farm that I used purely to make some totally lame (not lamb) puns — I received the following "comment". No, make that TWO comments, because Scott Noren DDS wrote so much it didn't fit in one comment submission. Which makes this all the more odd, since in order to submit the second part of the comment with the note, "(This finishes my last post)", one would think that Scott Noren DDS would have had to actually look at what he was doing. But I suppose that when you're running some kind of underdog political campaign, you have to take whatever opportunities come your way, no matter how inappropriate or bizarre they may be. Well, Scott Noren DDS, you may have inadvertently struck gold. Because I am going to give you a forum, not by approving your totally off-topic comments to the post you somehow stumbled upon (apparently only because it contained the name of a TV station and city within your frame of reference) and completely misinterpreted as some kind of serious local sounding board, but by posting it here as an entry all to itself, in its entirety, unedited, where it will reach my global audience of nearly a handful of readers, some of whom are actually in your state.

So what the heck. Here, for your edification and enjoyment, is some dentist who apparently wants to be a U.S. Senator.

Title: The demise of the political process

As I watched Steve Benen talk to Rachel Maddow today on her MSNBC show, it reiterated the fact that the media shows only what it wants,no matter what flavor.
As a US Senate Candidate that is just a peon health care provider without millions of dollars, that message rings loud and clear. We're told, Get on the ballot and then we'll maybe mention you...maybe throw you some sort of media dog biscuit. So the Leftist media ignores Progressive but fiscally conservative candidates like myself and unless we maybe win the MegaMillions, get no real chance to have our say on small issues like health care, the economy or gas drilling in Marcellus Shale for example. It's more worthwhile talking about right-wing fringers who are flocking to NY to pump up the volume in a Congressional District race in the Watertown,NY area. Hmmm...the fact that I spent half a day up in Waddington,NY looking at the problems associated with the Seagate International Bridge Crossing doesn't deserve a byline by the press there makes sense. The fact that there is major drug peddling east of that bridge that goes mainly unscathed by Federal authorities must not be important either. Thank goodness our smiling, attorney, Governor-appointed Senator "supports" a solution for the bridge issue (actually hasn't come up with a really good solution herself). I actually have a solution for this controversy that really is only important to that area and is objective, although might not be popular to all living there. Thank goodness Rachel concentrates on the really important aspects of New York politics and ignores the fact that Chuck Schumer is the #1 recipient of Insurance Lobby money in the entire US Senate and his partner is #8. That shouldn't have any real effect on why the Insurance industry will hose us with jacked up premiums through 2013 before what little if any affect the current legislation has on real health care reform.
Obviously I am being facetious, disappointed and frustrated at the fact that what little the public is informed on opposing voices within the Democratic Party is exacerbated by the liberal media that minimalizes us even further. When the expected 15% increase in monthly health premiums kick in (NY Times), the resultant increase in individual uninsured numbers goes up, and the jobless numbers increase due to layoffs because of these increased overhead expenses, bear in mind that the media has blocked candidates like me. Also bear in mind that as the real economy keeps tanking because of this and Wall Street fat cats reap millions from market manipulation, the little guy gets more and more disillusioned from this process. The thought that we won't have a Republican reversal in elections from the hopeful liberal media is premature. I for one have mild faith that the REAL Democrats like myself will rise up and eventually take back the Congress.
(This finishes my last post)

The message that this country needs a booster dose of better personal health responsibility, fiscal moderation and massive regulation of the Health Insurance Industry will eventually get out. I just hope it gets out before informed liberals and conservatives give up and start takiing their frustrations out by blindly voting for those who have never really been vetted against peon health care providers like myself.

Scott Noren DDS
Ithaca, NY
Democratic US Senate Candidate 2010

Worst Ad Placement EVER?

I'm not sure if I can get this to play here, but if it does, you will see the absolute worst placement of a website ad imaginable. Click on the video version of the story; you can't help but see the short ad that precedes it.

WLBZ2.com
Sponsored by:
 <a href=www.gannettonline.com="" external="" scripts="" momslikeme="" ?siteid="7684""">www.gannettonline.com/external/scripts/momslikeme/?siteid=7684" title="

Comment, blog & share photos

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Spampinato Gets Life For Setting Fire To Husband

 Ken Christian, Information Center Content Manager     6 hrs ago

ALFRED (AP) -- A Maine woman who pleaded guilty to killing her husband by setting him on fire while he slept was sentenced Thursday in York County Superior Court.

A judge handed down a sentence of life in prison without parole to Kimberly Spampinato.

She was accused of pouring gasoline on her husband and starting the fire early on Jan. 8.

Neighbors say Christopher Spampinato was on fire when he ran from the apartment building and that he rolled in snow to douse the flames. He suffered burns over 85 percent of his body and died nine days later.

Prosecutors say Christopher Spampinato had asked for a divorce and had been on the phone with a Texas woman before he was set afire. Kimberly Spampinato pleaded guilty to murder and arson.

(Copyright 2009 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)



Sorry, I can't figure out any way to grab that one ad. Apparently the feed is a rotating one from Gannett, and it looks like they've already changed the assortment. But the one that popped up the first few times was for EverGreen Home Solutions in Ellsworth, Maine, which appears to be a very nice business selling alternative energy sources, including wood stoves, pellet stoves, and gas stoves & fireplaces. 

Unfortunately, that meant the video began with the spokesman standing next to a roaring inferno in a stove, and ended with the tag line:

"Evergreen Home Solutions in Ellsworth — because fire works!"


Um...hate to bring this up, Mister Justice, sir, but...isn't the President a child of one of those...um...y'know...

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.
By MARY FOSTER (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press. Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. 
October 15, 2009 11:35 PM EDT

NEW ORLEANS - A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Okay, okay, just hold on there. Whoa Nelly. Time out! That paragraph is simply too loaded to let pass.

First of all, what does he mean, "mixing the races that way"? Is there some other way of mixing the races he does approve of? Hm...let's think about this a moment. I guess there are other ways to mix the races; there's the Jeffersonian approach, and then there's the miraculous way so many slave women seemed to give birth to multi-race children...

And does he literally have "piles and piles of black friends"? If so, shouldn't the police—and more likely, the FBI—take a look in his backyard?

Then there's the strange sequence of events that seems to occur whenever anyone visits his home. It apparently goes like this:

1. They come to his home.

2. He marries them.

3. They use his bathroom.

So of course, you have to wonder: what if somebody comes to his house who doesn't want to get married? What if somebody shows up and doesn't have to use the bathroom? And in any case, why is there no mention of any of these people ever leaving? Hence, the need for authorities to check the backyard. I'm jes' sayin'...

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.

"I try to treat everyone equally," he said.

Ha Ha Ha Ha. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Yeah... fine. Back to our story.

Bardwell estimates that he has refused to marry about four couples during his career, all in the past 2 1/2 years.

Beth Humphrey, 30, and 32-year-old Terence McKay, both of Hammond, say they will consult the U.S. Justice Department about filing a discrimination complaint.

Humphrey, an account manager for a marketing firm, said she and McKay, a welder, just returned to Louisiana. She is white and he is black. She plans to enroll in the University of New Orleans to pursue a masters degree in minority politics.

"That was one thing that made this so unbelievable," she said. "It's not something you expect in this day and age."

Humphrey said she called Bardwell on Oct. 6 to inquire about getting a marriage license signed. She says Bardwell's wife told her that Bardwell will not sign marriage licenses for interracial couples. Bardwell suggested the couple go to another justice of the peace in the parish who agreed to marry them.

"We are looking forward to having children," Humphrey said. "And all our friends and co-workers have been very supportive. Except for this, we're typical happy newlyweds."

"It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009," said American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann. She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 "that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry."

Nineteen sixty seven? Why Missy, that be a mere forty-two years ago! You can't expect things to change that quickly! Us folks down here, we move at our own pace.

The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending "the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice."

"He knew he was breaking the law, but continued to do it," Schwartzmann said.

WHAT? I am shocked—shocked—to learn there is gambling in this establishment!

According to the clerk of court's office, application for a marriage license must be made three days before the ceremony because there is a 72-hour waiting period. The applicants are asked if they have previously been married. If so, they must show how the marriage ended, such as divorce.

Other than that, all they need is a birth certificate and Social Security card.

The license fee is $35, and the license must be signed by a Louisiana minister, justice of the peace or judge. The original is returned to the clerk's office.

"I've been a justice of the peace for 34 years and I don't think I've mistreated anybody," Bardwell said. "I've made some mistakes, but you have too. I didn't tell this couple they couldn't get married. I just told them I wouldn't do it."

Isn't that what the USA stands for—Freedom? What is this country coming to when a public official isn't free to discriminate against anybody he feels like? "Why, next the guv'ment be tellin' me I have to let everybody vote!"

"And hey, wait a minute...Schwartzmann...ain't that a Jew name?"

Next Week: Justice Bardwell Has a Heart Attack
"What? These here homosekshulls want me to marry them??"

No, no, no, it ain't me babe

Having a name that is fairly common can be pretty discouraging at times, especially if you're trying to establish a unique online identity. Sometimes it can be downright mystifying. So I'd like to assure you once and for all... this is not my alma mater. And if it's yours... I am so very, very sorry.


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